Temptation Island
by Kaoru's revenge
Summary: Four couples stranded on an island with 10...well...um...singles...yeah...Haven't we heard this before?
1. Temptation Island: Episode 1

Disclaimer: All right, who the hell is responsible for all the horrible stuff that these characters did in my fanfic? Don't blame me, blame GAINAX, who owns Neon Genesis Evangelion, not me. I'm pretty sure that Fox owns Temptation Island, and I remember that I don't. All right now, on to my queer fanfic.

Announcer: Four dedicated couples, stranded on a tropical island with 10 ... well... singles, need to prove their love for each other in the face of Temptation. Can they do it? This is our first episode of Temptation Island and our first announcer got fired for being tempted too much and not being able to control his god-damn genitals and fucked around with all of the whore-ass bit... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE'RE ON THE AIR! AW SHIT! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SWEAR IN FRONT THE MOTHER FUC.... Oh, hehehe. 

(A big black cane comes out of the right hand side of your view and pulls the announcer away by the neck. After a few minutes of heated swearing in the background, a rumpled looking technician comes into view.)

New Announcer: Well... uh... Yes now, where were we? Oh yes, (Now in a big, deep announcer voice) Can these four couples survive the temptation? Before the actual show begins, in this episode we will show you an interview with the four couples. First up we have two young fourteen-year-olds who have been through it all together, almost.. hehehe. Let's meet Shinji and Rei.

(Audience applauses)

New Announcer: (henceforth being labeled N.A.) So, how did you two meet?

Shinji: Oh, we met at work.

N.A.: Ohh. Care to give us any more details?

Shinji: No.

N.A. : Umm, ok. _Weird_ Now, Shinji, why did you decide to go on Temptation Island?

Shinji: Well, I told my father that I wanted to meet new women, so he was able to pull a few strings and get me on this show on the condition that I give the prize money to fund his company.

N.A.: And what a generous, benevolent, and altruistic man your father must be. (Scrolling bar appears, saying "Please send donations to 1-800-Fund-Nerv.")

N.A.: Why did you decide to go on our show, Rei?

Rei: Commander Ikari told me to.

N.A.: Uhhh, ok. _Weirder._ Why do you two feel that it is possible to avoid being tempted by this show, Shinji?

Shinji: I am such a baby that my ball-less disposition and lack of hormones will probably keep me from getting attracted to anyone, and will definitely keep anyone from getting attracted to me.

N.A.: If you say so. _What a queer. He should grow some balls._ Rei, How can you resist the temptation of the five male singles who will try to seduce you?

Rei: Commander Ikari told me to.

N.A.: Uhhh.. Ummm. Ok. Now that's all the time we have for you two, on to our next couple. Kaji and Maya

(Audience applauses, and it strangely seems to have the same pitch, tone and duration as the first applause.)

N.A. _Finally, a normal couple_. So, how did you two meet?

Maya: Well, my Kaji here caught me acting like a whimpering fool during an angel attack, so he decided to take advantage of my emotional state and seduce me, and I've been too wimpy to break it off with him ever since!

Kaji: And she's very happy too, (looks at Maya) aren't you?

Maya: Of course!

N.A.: _Maybe I spoke too soon_. And why do you think that you can survive a month on this island with 10 singles who are masters of seduction?

Kaji: I probably won't resist the temptation, buy Maya here is far too wimpy to ever break up with me, aren't you honey?

Maya: Why yes!

N.A.: _What is wrong with her?_ Maya, do you thinkl you can resist the temptation?

Maya: Of course I can Mr. Announcer man! (Maya winks at him) 

Kaji: Don't mind her, I keep her drunk so that I can always know where she is.

N.A.: Al right, that's all the time we have for you two, now...

(Maya is spinning in the revolving chair)

Maya: WHHHEEEEEEEEE!

N.A.: _Oh dear lord, what a pathetic woman. Kinda almost cute though._ So, um, onto our next contestants who are also 14-years-olds, Touji and Hikari!

(Once again, audience applauses, and has the same pitch, tone and duration as the first and second applauses.)

N.A: _I hope that these two are normal_. So, how did you guys meet?

Touji: Well, she is in the same classroom with me, and I think that she is very beautiful and sweet and charming.

Hikari: And?...

Touji: Oh yes, very beautiful and sweet and charming and smart.

Hikari: Good boy. (Touji starts panting)

N.A.: _Why Me?_ Ok, Why do you think that you can withstand the (In a macho deep voice) TEMPTATION?

Touji: Well, I just luv my Hikari so much that...

Hikari: NO! No you stupid Touji! Love is pronounced l-o-v-e! Not l-u-v!

N.A. _How the hell can it be pronounced differently?_

(Hikari turns her head away from Touji as if she wasn't talking to him)

Touji: I'm sorry! Sorry, sorry, It will never happen again!

N.A.:_ For the love of manhood please don't beg!_

Touji: I'm begging you! Please take me back!

N.A.: _Damn._

(Hikari turns away further)

Hikari: Hmph.

N.A. _Don't get on your knees. For the love of God, please don't get on your knees!_

(Touji gets on his knees)

N.A.: _Nnooooooooo!_ _Please don't say it! PLEAEAEASE don't say that four-letter word!_

Touji: But Hikari, I LOVE you.

(The announcer crumples to the floor)

Hikari: Oh, Touji, you do?

Touji: Yes! I love you!

Hikari: Oh, Touji!

N.A.: ENOUGH! Now (struggles to keep calm) Hikari, why do you think that you can resist the 5 men on the island who are going to try to seduce you?

Hikari: You mean these people are going to seduce me? THAT'S LIVING IN SIN! WHAT KIND OF PERVERTED SHOW AM I ON? I THOUGHT PEOPLE WERE GOING TO TEMPT ME WITH FOOD OR SOMETHING! I'M NOT GOING ON SOME PERVERTED SEXUAL SHOW JUST FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S ENJOYMENT!

Touji: It's ok, honeybunch. Please just calm down. The point of the game is to NOT have them seduce you, ok?

Hikari: Oh Touji.

N.A.: That's enough of that! I feel sick. On to our next and final pair, um, Koaru and um, well, PenPe_n_! _Time to take some of that Prozac._

(No one in the audience claps. Someone shouts "What the hell?" Someone else shouts, "That's just sick!")

Koaru: No it's not! I love my PenPen-chan, and our love is steadfast. Now matter what you say, PenPen and I will always stay together.

N.A. _At least they're more normal than the rest of them_. How did you two meet?

Koaru: Well, I found PenPen all alone on the street standing on 666th street waiting for something to happen on a stormy day. I just saw him looking all lonely and sad, so I took him and adopted him!

PenPen: Wark! (Soon, I will turn you into my slave and you will be sent to my labor mines to dig for sulfur!)

Koaru: I just wish I knew what he was saying at times! (He gives PenPen a squeeze)

PenPen: Wark. (Do not squeeze your soon to be master, scum, or you will spend an eternity in hell.)

Koaru: He's so cute though, isn't he!

(Koaru starts nuzzling PenPen.)

N.A.: Why yes he is! You are cute aren't you!

( He steps up to PenPen, and starts to pet his beak.)

(PenPen bites back at his hand)

PenPen: Wark Wark! (Do not touch my body! Do you not understand the language of the gods? I will have your head as a trophy among the likes of Paula Jones, O.J. Simpson, and... bumpumpum.... GEORGE W. BUSH!) (Lightning strikes)

N.A.: That's ok, I guess he just doesn't know me so he bit me! (N.A. smiles and puts his head near PenPen's) I'm sure that we'll just become the best of friends, won't we PenPen!

(PenPen turns toward the announcer and seems to narrow his eyes.)

PenPen: Wark! (I will mangle your body and devour your soul.)

Koaru: He says he thinks we'll all become the best of friends!

N.A.: I certainly hope so!

PenPen: Wark Wark! (Soon, you two will pay with your souls for the trouble you have caused me. Soon my reign of terror will begin!) Bwahahahahaha!

N.A.: Did PenPen just laugh in a horrible, evil way?

Koaru: Oh no, it's just how he coughs. He does it all the time!

N.A.: Well, that's al the time we have for this episode, stay tuned next time for the interview with the sexy singles, and the actual show.

Author's note: This is my first try at a fanfic, and no one beta or pre read it. Please R and R, cause I need to know if I should work on the actual story part. No offense towards anyone is meant in this fanfic, (except maybe George W. Bush) (Lightning and thunder in background). I dedicate this fic to Yebisu Beer, who taught me write without thinking. By the way, the relationships between these characters WILL NOT LAST FOR LONG. REI WILL NOT STAY WITH SHINJI. ALL YOU ASUKA-DIE HARD FANS DO NOT FLAME THIS, BECAUSE ASUKA WILL "TAKE" SHINJI FROM REI, SOON. (I'm an Asuka die-hard fan too. ^_^)


	2. Temptation Island: Episode 2

Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm smart enough to own Evangelion? Gainax owns it, and I'm still pretty sure that FOX owns Temptation Island.

A small boat, packed with luggage can be seen driving it's way up to a beautiful paradise island, where a small congregation awaits them.

Shinji lies back in his chair, stifling a yawn. The trip from Tokyo had been long, and this island was way out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The boat's rhythmic vibrations were starting to get on his nerves, and he felt a little seasick. _What was that smell?_ He got up, stretched and looked around. Everyone on the boat was leaning out the side, making horrible puking sounds as a result of the boat's erratic course. Shinji, being the only one still unaffected, decided to go speak to the captain about his driving skills. As he walked up to the cabin deck, he noticed a pile of a red liquid outside of his door. _Blood?_

Shinji yammered, "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away" and he bust open the door to see what was going on. He walked in on the captain, an old, fat man with a queer visor talking to another man with a crooked nose. 

Keele was stripping his clothes off in front of this other man. "No, Keele, not now. I'm nor ready yet." 

Shinji is starting to blush, thankful that he can't see what was going on by a large box. "But we must. You know you want it. My position as captain on this boat will allow me to sufficiently spy on the on goings on this island. Ha. That's a clever position. I don't know if I can improve on that. Wait, how about this baby here."

"Why yes, Keele. But don't use that spiked chain on me this time, I feel like the torture chamber today. You did bring it along, didn't you?"

"Of course, my partner in crime. Hehehe. That feels good, doesn't it? Hey what's that noise?"  
The door slams shut with a bang, leaving two very surprised Seele members stunned in the middle of their game of poolside Dungeons and Dragons.

*****

Asuka was busy trying to get her hair perfect for the arrival of the people she was to seduce._ I'm gonna knock their socks off with my beautiful presence. I don't care what they say about my personality. You don't need to be subservient to everyone just to tempt people. You just need my beautiful, perfect body, and you can wrap anyone around your little finger. _

Misato banged on the door. "Hurry up Asuka! They're coming! 

Asuka decided to go meet them by the boat._ Gotta try to seduce them from the start before the rest of these packwolves get to them._

*****

Kaoru was busy helping PenPen up to the side of the boat when he noticed someone new throwing up by the side of the boat. Kaoru decided to introduce himself to this very cute looking boy. 

"Hello, there"

Shinji looked up. He saw a very handsome boy with silver hair and bright red eyes staring back at him.

"Hi, I'm Kaoru. What is your name?"

Shinji never had anyone want to try to meet him before. He didn't really know what do to. He decided to just go for it. Hey, maybe he might just make himself a real friend for once.

"Uhh...I am called Shinji." His thoughts drifted back to an incident a few moments ago, and he began throwing up again.

"I didn't think you as the kind of person who would get seasick. You look like the kind of person who is used to life in water."

Shinji wondered, _How did he know that I don't get seasick? He must be good._

"Umm..yeah. The reason I feel sick is because, um, well...."_ Should I tell him? No, then he might think badly of me. I couldn't let that happen. It would be a disaster if he hated me too."_

"...Never mind. Oh look, we're landing on the island now."

PenPen looked up from the side of the boat. He had been getting a strange vibe as he approached the island. And then, it hit him. This island was the fulcrum of all evil on the planet. If plotted out on a map, this island would be on the exact opposite side of the world as the birthplace of Adolf Hitler._ What a fitting place for my reign of terror to begin._ Bwahahahahahaha!

Shinji looked up. _Did that penguin just laugh evilly?_

"Oh don't mind PenPen, that's just how he coughs!" Kaoru quickly said.

Shinji was bewildered, sure that this penguin must be checked to make sure, or at least gotten rid of, but he quickly dismissed the idea._ Hey, it's just a penguin, right?_

Rei walked up behind them.

"It is time to depart from this vessel, Ikari-Kun."

Kaoru looked around, and into the face of one of the most classically beautiful faces he had ever seen. Kaoru felt an instant attraction for her. Maybe it was because she was an albino, like he was, or maybe her seriousness and lack of emotion complemented his outgoing, fun-loving self. Who knows, maybe he found her sexier than even that red-haired girl trying to get their attention? (Yeah right) Rei stared deep into Kaoru's eyes, as if looking into his soul. It would have scared anyone else to death, but Kaoru was so captivated by her, that he didn't notice her glare.

Shinji, oblivious to what was going on, simply turned around, trying not to think of those SEELE members, and walked to the docking area.

Kaoru, desperately trying to get her attention, extended his hand and said in his deepest, manliest voice, "Hi there. I'm Kaoru. It is an extreme pleasure to meet you. May I say that you look beautiful today."

Rei just stared at him, and turned away, left Kaoru with his hand extended, alone with PenPen. Kaoru started talking to PenPen. "Well how do you like that? You try to be a nice guy."

PenPen just looked at Kaoru. "Wark!" (Step away from presence or I will have you fed to piranhas on PROZAC!)

Kaoru stepped back. "No no, honey bunch! That girl means nothing to me," Kaoru lied. "You're the only one for me." He gave PenPen a little squeeze.

"WARK! WARK!" (THAT'S IT, LOVER BOY! YOUR MANHOOD WILL BE SACRIFICED TO MY DARK, UNHOLY, PAGAN GODS! EVEN VIAGRA WON'T SAVE YOU THEN.) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kaoru picked up a bottle. "Oh, PenPen. Your cough is getting worse. Here, take some of this!" Kaoru stuffed some cough medicine into PenPen's mouth. PenPen was muffled when he tried to stop him._ This tastes like Rat Piss!_

Shinji looks up "Look, it's time to go meet the other people on the island!"

*****

The former technician, who was recently promoted to Prime Announcer, was nervously await the time when he would be required to speak. His beeper went off, and he began talking.

"Hello, viewers, and welcome to our second episode of Temptation Island. Before we leave our automated cameras to take care of the filming, I will quickly announce our ten singles that will attempt to seduce the four couples who will shortly be arriving. From the top there are... "A banner quickly scrolls across the screen moving two fast for anyone to read it accompanied by gay fifties music. After about a second, it finishes scrolling. "And there you have it. Now, I'm off to the hot tubs, and our special sensing cameras will take care of the rest! Bye now." And with that, he leaves.

*****

Shinji getting off the boat, looks around. "So where is everyone? I only see one person standing out there."

Kaoru shrugs. "I guess that they must be somewhere else."

"Excuse me, but do you know where everyone is?"

Shinji and Kaoru look behind their backs to see where the voice came from. They look up to see a tall man with his girlfriend, who looked especially drunk.

"Excuse me, I'm Kaji, and this here is Maya. We were wondering if you knew where everyone was."

Shinji looks up at him. "Well, we really don't know either."

Touji and Hikari walk by, arm in arm, apparently content with their surroundings. Hikari looks around. "It's rather bright, isn't it. My head feels hot." 

Touji dashes for their cabin, and returns shortly with a wide brimmed hat. Hikari looks at it and says, "That clashes with my dress."

Touji then runs off again to find a more suitable hat. He returns panting. "Here you are, honey." 

"That's better. Stand up straight, now."

Shinji, Kaoru, and Kaji stare at this with massive sweat drops, while Maya is running around the boat trying to catch a butterfly. _What a pathetic guy._

At this point Asuka decides to go back to her cabin._ Wouldn't want to seem too eager to meet them._

PenPen sneaks up behind them, ready to strike. _I think I'll take out the tall one first. Good thing I found this butcher's knife._

Rei walks by, going northwest, and spoke.

"The cabins are this way. The others await us there."

Kaji just stares.

"How could you know that? Excuse me, little girl, but you should never take directions from a girl. Only a manly man like myself could find our way out of here, for we men have an innate ability to find directions, so step aside," he says with a smile.

Rei simply stares at him, and then glances around.

"A knife will come hurtling through space and hit the space where your head is."

Kaji just laughs. "Yeah right, kid. What are you, some sort of queer oracle or something?"

Rei steps back, and gives Kaji a kick in the groin, sending him hurtling back into some boxes.

Shinji spun around, shocked at what Rei had done.

"That was uncalled for, Ayanami! You shouldn't have done that!"

A knife whizzes by the spot where Kaji's head used to be. Rei backs down, and assesses the situation. Kaji is lying in these boxes mumbling unintelligibly about rice pudding in Uzbekistan. PenPen retreats into the shadows, unnoticed by anyone.

__

Drat! I'll have to try again, later. Soon, however, 

Kaji sits up, looking very tired

"Did someone get the license plate number?"

Kaji then fell down again.

Kaoru took it all in, and was amazed at Rei's ability to sense undetectable things._._

"Wow, you were right about the knife! You must be as smart as you are beautiful. You're brave too, you just saved Kaji's life!"

Rei realized this with a shock. She had never done anything for anyone, let alone save someone's life.

Kaji got up again, and spoke in a very high pitched voice. "Thank you...for saving my life... but next time....please try to... spare .. my children!..." And then Kaji went unconscious.

*****

The ten singles were in the reception room, waiting for the arrival of the four couples. Ritsuko looked around, and could recognize most of the others. The other men were Gendo, Hyuga, and Shigeru. The other _males_ were Futsyuski and Kensuke._ How the hell did they get hired? One's too old for Viagra and the other probably hasn't even gone through puberty yet!_ The other women were Misato, Asuka, her old rival Yui, and another Penguin named Gwen, brought because some corny executive thought it would be funny if another penguin was on the show. The same corny executive named it Gwen. (PenPen and Gwen. Get it? Pen - Gwen? Ha ha ha, Not very funny, I know.) 

Asuka gets up, and yells, "that's it. I'm going to take another bath. All this nervous waiting got me all sweaty!"

Kensuke sit there, thinking of a sweaty Asuka. "Hehehe hehe hehe... no bad Kensuke! Stop thinking!" Kensuke slaps himself, and everyone else stares at him. "Must think... Big boats. Machinery. Tanks, circuits.. Ahhh.. much better."

The screen goes blank.

The announcer steps into view in a studio. 

"That's all the time we have for today, see you next week."

Whispering occurs in the background. Yebisu Beer steps out and whispers into his ear.

"Oh do I have to? But that's so corny! What do you mean I'll get fired? Fine, I will."

With that, he turns to the audience. I a deep, manly voice, he says...

"Will the couples ever find their way to the cabins? Will Touji ever stand up to Hikari? Will Maya become sentient? Will Koaru fall for Rei? Will PenPen ever stop his hacking cough? Will Kaji be able to have children anymore? Will Kensuke get a dick? What about Gwen? Find out on the next episode of Temptation Island!"

Author's note: Here's part two. PLEASE REVIEW MY FANFIC! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE REVIEW MY FANFIC! My first part got 131 hits and only EIGHT Friggin reviews! How the hell is that possible? Anyway, I hope you like it.


	3. Temptation Island: Episode 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion! How many fucking times do I have to tell you people! Gainax owns it, and I DON'T!

Temptation Island : Episode III

Kaji managed to get up from the boxes he had crashed into when Rei kicked his crotch in order to save his Rei. All of them sat in shock. Kaji was groaning loudly after his ordeal._ Ouch. That really hurt. I… need… icepack. Must… save…unborn … children! _

Shinji, Touji, and Hikari were shocked as well. They had never faced death before, and they realized how close Kaji had been to dying only ten minutes ago. Kaoru was amazed at Rei's awesome prowess, and the fact that she had just saved a person's life. _God, what a woman._

Rei was shocked that she had actually done something for someone else, being used to a life of solitude. _So this is what it is like to do something for others. It gives one an almost tingly sense of accomplishment and pride, and this feeling makes a person want to be happy and satisfied. This feeling is strange, and yet comforting…I HATE IT!_

Maya was running around the boat, still trying to catch that butterfly with a paper clip. "WHHHEEEEEEE!"

Kaji got up, after another ten minutes, and decided that he would act like a male chauvinist again, or at least until they found their way to the cabins.

Rei got up. "Ikari-Kun. The cabins are this way."

Kaoru looked up. "I don't know about you guys, but I think I believe her this time."

The rest nodded their head in agreement.

"All right then, let's go! Wait where's PenPen? I'll go look for him."

*****

"PenPen? Oh PenPen? Where are you? Come out, come out my precious," Kaoru yelled, unaware that PenPen was lurking around the corner with a weapon. This was a weapon so powerful, that nothing could ever stand in its way. This was … a toothpick? PenPen knew that the toothpick could kill any other animal his size, he just hoped it would work on that stupid human coming down the corner. 

Kaoru turned his back where he thought he heard a noise, and then PenPen leaped out from the shadows, landed on Kaoru's head, and start jamming the toothpick into his head.

"Wark! Wark!" (Die, you miserable bastard! Die! Feel your punishment for the misery you have caused me!) BWAHAHAHAHA!

Kaoru picked PenPen off his head with ease. "Oh your cough is getting worse all the time. Here's some more medicine!" And with that Kaoru stuffed some more medicine down PenPen's throat. "Oh, PenPen. A toothpick! You knew that my teeth had some food stuck in them! Oh, how thoughtful! I love you PenPen!" And Kaoru gives PenPen a kiss on the cheek.

PenPen' rage had been slowly boiling up as he took all his in, and PenPen had enough when Kaoru kissed him.

"Wark! Wark! WARK!" (You will pay for this monkey shit tasting medicine you fucking cretin! I will roast you over the burning pits of hell! I WILL NEUTER YOU!") Bwahahaha!

"Oh, PenPen."(Exasperated) "There goes your cough again. Your face is all hot and red, too. Here have even more medicine!"

*****

"Hey! There are the cabins! You were right, Rei," Kaoru exclaimed when he first glimpsed sight of them.

Shinji looked ahead, and then saw them. "Oh, thank god!"

Hikari looks up. "I …KA… RI …- KUN! Don't say the lord's name in vain! And God is pronounced with a capital G. How could you say it in lower-case! You will surely go to hell now."

Everyone else looks at this with massive sweat drops, and Shinji starts to grow a sweat drop covering at least half of the back of his head! 

Maya is running around with her arms outsretched, making "brroom" sounds like a plane.

Hikari starts hitting him over the head with her purse.

"Take that, and that, and THAT, you heretic you! I condemn you to the seventh circle of hell! Take that!"

Shinji just takes his beating responding only by covering the top of his head; he doesn't fight back. After all, Shinji had mastered the art of taking beatings without fighting back._ I'll show them all! I can take more of a beating that anyone! HAHAHAHA!_

Hikari decides that her purse isn't affective enough, so she grabs a branch off the ground.

Shinji starts to get nervous.

Hikari starts chasing Shinji towards the cabins, and Shinji starts running for his life.

*****

Ritsuko looks up from her "Who can eye Gendo the best" contest with Yui and sees a black dash run by her. She then sees a girl running after the other dash with a branch. "WHICH WAY DID THAT INFIDEL GO?!" Knowing better than to question this angry juggernaught of a girl, Shigeru, Hyuga, Misato, Yui, Ritsuko, Gendo, Kensuke, Futsyuski, and Gwen the penguin all point down the hall.

"THANKS!" And with a battle rage, she went on. "AARRGGG!"

*****

Seele member #2 looks around at the other Seele members, even though they are just big fat blocks without eyes. "Hhmmm. There are some strange things going on at Temptation Island."

Seele member #5 answers. "Yes. I see the show everyday, and I have noticed some strange going-ons as well.

Seele member #2 shout angrily, "I don't mean the show you retard! I mean that evil forces are gather there."

"Ever since Keel and number # 9 got mid-life crisis's and went out on their little sea-faring fiasco, several incidents have been occurring around the world."

Seele member #7 is confused. "What kind of incidents"

Seele member #2 responds. "Strange incidents"

Seele member # 6 asks, "What kind of strange incidents?"

#2 responds, "You know, THOSE kinds of incidents."

Everyone responds, "ohhhhh"

Seele member #10, who has been silent up until now, says, "Soon, our power will be established world-wide, and we can then initiate the third impact!" HAHAHAHAHA!

Seele member # 2 joins in. "YAHAHAHAHA!"

Members #4 and # 7 also join in. "BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Then they all laugh together. "NYAHAHAHAHA!"

Then, they all stop. They look at each other, blinking (even without eyes), and then they start up again… 

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

*****

Shinji, panting, races down the hall, tuning at every corner he can find, hoping to lose Hikari. He come to a door, and finding it was unlocked, decided to go inside. _Maybe I can lose her in here._

He goes inside, and immediately presses his ear against the door. He hears Hikari storm past the door, continuing on her private little Jihad. _Whew!_

"Why, hello there!" (seductive)

The voice startles Shinji, and fearful of it being Hikari's he turns around.

He looks around at a classically beautiful red-haired girl, lying down in a bubble bath tub. She was the same girl who had been trying to get his attention earlier that day, except she had clothes on back then. Shinji starts to feel a little blood rush to his face.

__

Here's one for me to seduce! Lucky me! This one suits my tastes well. He's actually pretty cute!

Shinji stammers, "Go… Gomm… Gomen…"

"Hello there, Mister. Care to join me in here?"

Shinji just stands there, and his face becomes a little more red.

Asuka puts one of her beautifully shaped legs out of the tub.

"Well, If you're not going to join me, I'll just have to come to you!"

She then puts her other leg up and out of the tub._ Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do._

Shinji gets a little more red, and embarrassed. Asuka starts to sit up, and more of her beautiful body starts coming out of the water, with bubble-bath foam covering barely enough to keep this fanfic from being NC-17. 

Shinji's entire cheeks are red, with a little red covering his nose.

Asuka is now fully out of the tub, and is leaning her face towards Shinji. Shinji is staring, well…, guess where. Asuka starts touching his shirt.

"How are you, Mister? I am VERY pleased to meet you."

By this time, Shinji's face looks like a very ripe tomato.

Suddenly, a wind blows (even though it's indoors), and blows ALL of the foam of Asuka's body. She puts her hand behind the back of Shinji's crimson head, and starts running her finger through his hair.

"Well look at that! I'd say it was a sign from the gods, wouldn't you, Mister?"_ Oh, I have him around my little finger, now!_

At this point, so much blood is rushing to Shinji's head that… he promptly faints.

*****

Kaji looks around. "So, these are our cabins, are they?"_ Not too bad for a desert island._

PenPen also is assessing his surroundings, but for a different reason. _I can use that fireplace spike to impale Kaoru… That criss-cut knife could be stuck in Shinji's head… Ahhhhh… _(Picking up a large box of toothpicks) _these would be especially useful! Soon, I will rule the world! _Bwahahahahaha!

"Oh PenPen, that medicine just doesn't seem to be working. Here, why don't we try this new "Elephant brand" medicine! It's supposed to *ahem* clear out all stuffiness, coughing, and congestion within the body. Hey what that fine print? I can't read it, but oh well. (May or may not work as according to plan. If you have stomach, heart, liver, kidney, brain, arm, finger, knuckle, toe, thumb, eye, ear, nose, cheek, tongue, tooth, knee, ankle, heel, elbow, skin, or genitalia-related problems, then this medicine is not right for you. Possible side effects include diarrhea, constipation, colds, a fever, hypothermia, frostbite, hot flashes, mood swings, inability to sustain erections, impotence, sterility, stuffiness, coughs, and congestion.)

Here, drink this, PenPen! It says it endorsed by George W. Bush himself! (Lightning and thunder in background, even though they're on a freaking tropical island and there isn't a cloud for at least 1000 miles around.)

"Wark! Wark!" (No! Get it away! I wont have that evil republican in me! No! Get it away from me! Even I can't stand his evil! Help!)

"PenPen, here you go!" And Kaoru stuffed yet another load of medicine into PenPen's mouth.

"Wark! Wark!" (I will take your manhood and chop it up into little pieces and force-feed it up your throat! How are you gonna like that! Huh? HUH? You betta recognize!)

"Oh PenPen! You're all better now, right!" (He kisses PenPen)

"Wark! Wark! Wark!" (Die the death of a thousand knifes, cretin! I will take a cheese grinder to your body and slowly wear you away until you're nothing but a pile of blood and flesh, and then I will take your bloody remains and feed them to RABID piranhas on prozac!) Bwahahahahahaha!

Kaoru looks at PenPen in a concerned manner.

"Wark!" (I mean *cough cough*? Hehehe. Hehe. Hee.)

And PenPen runs for his life with Kaoru on his trail.

Maya is seen in the background running around nude, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" 

Touji is on the four on all fours, while Hikari sits on top of him as if he were a chair, legs crossed, with a smug look on her face. Touji is sweating under her weight. Everyone, regardless of where one is looking at, has a sweat drop.

*****

Shinji slowly came to. _Auugghhh. Where am I?_

Realization of the events of past few moments woke him up with a start. He was still in the bathroom. _Uuhhh. Did I get laid?_

He didn't feel tired, and he still had all his clothes on, so he took that as a good sign. (I wouldn't have) But still, he had to make sure whether or not anything had happened to him. He decided to go look for Asuka, as she was no longer there. A bit of water on the floor was freezing cold, and he wondered how long he had been passed out....

*****

All the singles were introducing themselves to the couples in a large room.

Touji couldn't help but notice Asuka, standing there with nothing but a bath robe on, but thinking of Hikari's angry face, despite how cute he though it was, forced him to calm down.

Kaoru, on the other hand, took this time to try to get closer to Rei. "So, I was on this plane, right, and the guy sitting next to me was......" Rei just stared at Kaoru, without really saying anything back. Her bright red eyes seems to have a big sign in front of them...

---------------------------------------------------------------

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| **VACANCY** |

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||

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...as she stares out onto another member of the crowd, the Commander.

Shinji enters the hall, and overhears Asuka talking to her new friend Hikari, "And so, I had him in the bathroom, but he was so boring and shy, that I didn't bother to... you know...He was really cute, though! I'll try again next time I corner him"

Shinji almost fainted again... no one had ever complimented him before. It was such a nice feeling to be complimented... and this beautiful girl actually picked him over at least one other person on this planet! He was just so happy!

Touji and Kensuke also formed an equally strong bond of friendship. They both (no matter how much Touji though of an angry Hikari) couldn't help staring at Misato. She was just far too much of a babe for any teenaged boy to resist. Misato was "dressed" in a wet thong swimsuit. She had just been swimming with Ritsuko, who was in a full-body swimsuit (The same one that she wore to work.) This attracted side ways glances from every male in the room (as well as Maya who kept staring at Ritsuko through a window outside) except for Kaoru, who was content with his near perpetual staring contest with Rei. _Doesn't she ever blink? Oh well, I get to stare into her eyes all the time. Lucky me!_ Even PenPen couldn't help indulging in his spring time hormones as he flirted with Gwen.

"Wark!" (Why hello there, little mama!)

"Woark!" (Pervert! Hentai baka! Get away from me! _You're kind of cute though_!)

"Wark!" (Why, you look absolutely ravishing tonight. Would you like dinner in an expensive French restaurant?)

"Woark! Woark!" (Don't go too fast with we now, or I'll be forced to pluck all of your feathers out one by one, starting around your lower areas *ahem*, and then I'll flambé you in George W. Bush brand Marinating sauce!)(Thunder and lightning)

"Wark!" (But then I would chop you into little pieces, then roast you with eggs to make an omelet, which I will serve with Katherine Harris (Bum pum Pum!) brand ketchup to George W. Bush himself!) (Thunder and lightning)

They stare at each other, each thinking _God, I love the way he/she thinks!_

Then they come together with a passionate kiss, as if they were meant for each other. (Don't ask me how penguins kiss, they have beaks)

Kaoru looks at this, his heart broken. _PenPen, how could you do this to me?_ Then he realizes that this gives him the opportunity to go out with Rei. Maybe all those counselors were on to something about dating inside your own species, or at least genus or order. He cheered up! _Yes! I'm free to date Rei now! _

Shinji is looking around when he bumps into someone. "F..Fa...Father? What are you doing here?"

Gendo, for the first time in at least twenty years, smiles. "Well, Shinji, I decided that I wanted to meet new women too! All the girls here are very... alluring. Besides, I need to make sure that you didn't do anything that you would regret, you know." Gendo passes him a small, foil covered package, "for protection, just in case." He nudges Shinji.

Shinji blushes again in terror, this time getting a nosebleed. He puts the "package" away in his pocket before anyone realizes what it is, and asks his father, "Do you really plan to seduce some of these people?"

Gendo, smiling in anticipation, says, "Of course!"

Shinji, suppressing a shudder, then says, "But some of these girls are my age! How can you or Futyuski even think of touching... (glances around the room) say a naked Rei?

Gendo ponders over this, then responds, "It's not as hard as you may think."

Shinji shudders.

Futyuski shudders.

Everyone within earshot shudders.

Kaoru and Rei still stare into each other's eyes.

Maya runs by, nude, and yells "I'm free! I'm free! "

And everyone shudders again. (Except Kaoru who is still looking at Rei, and Rei who just doesn't shudder.)

*****

Scene: A dark looking room. A bed is in the middle of this room, and feathers are seen all around, along with a LOT of beer cans and a few empty bottles of champagne. Two very (horny?) penguins are in the middle of that bed. Both look tired.

PenPen has a wineglass in his hand. "Wark!" (... and that, my love, is how I am going to take over the world.)

Gwen has a smile on her face. "Woark!" (Oh, PenPen! You're so smart, and brilliant...(pauses) and devious!)

PenPen is taken aback by this compliment. "Wark!" (Well, I suppose I am a little devious at times. I have a few devious ideas in my head right now!)

Gwen is smiling more. (Yes, I know Penguins can't really smile) 

"Woark" (I'd love for you to *ahem* share some of your devious ideas with me, PenPen.) (Starts to eye PenPen.)

PenPen smiles as well, knowing he can't resist. "Wark!" (Much obliged! Let's go at it again!)

The sheets in this "bed" fly up, and rustling is seen.

(Yes, I'm aware at how disgusting this may seem, but hey...)

*****

Author's note: Please Read and Review this fanfic. I have some ideas for part four, and it'll probably be out by next week. I'm sorry about the PenPen x Gwen scene, I just couldn't resist adding some personification. And don't be one of those stupid people who reads part two or three before part one. If you're one of them, read and review the earlier parts of this series. Thanks to Yebisu Beer for beta-reading this fanfic.


	4. Temptation Island: Episode 4

Disclaimer: All right, fine. Have it your way. I DO own Neon Genesis Evangelion, and all these characters are rightfully MINE. Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Kaji, Rei, Kaoru, and all the rest are solely MY possessions, and all YOU guys can't have them! They're mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! You see, GAINAX was just borrowing them from ME! All you stupid bakas have no right to write fanfics to improve the glory of Neon Genesis Evangelion, and you better not or else I'm gonna sue all your asses off! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahaha…………

Damn, gotta lay of that beer. Stupid Yebisu Beer. He tricked me into drinking all of that Yebisu Beer! How was I supposed to know it would be 100% alcohol? Arrggh. All right, I apologize for everything I may have said, and just switch everything around to get what I really meant. Oh... FOX owns Temptation Island, Gomen, and arigato for reading this fanfic. ^_^

Kaji woke up slowly. _God, I must have done something really good in a previous life to deserve this_. He had just spent the night with three women, Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya, and he had the best time ever. He thought they were all pretty nice looking, and realized that they, working together, could please him a lot better than Maya alone. He noticed that Ritsuko and Maya had a little spent more time with each other than with him, but it had been still been great. They had spent the night at a makeshift movie theater on the island, then to his grass cabin, and then they all went home after all three were through with him. They had kissed Kaji until he was in heaven, and then they had all gone to their own separate cabins to go to sleep, cause Misato and Ritsuko had had prior engagements before they could do anything with Kaji, to Kaji's dismay. Kaji was very happy that three beautiful women were all after him, as he felt male chauvinistic urges rise up again deep within his… um… yeah. _Maybe I can have sex with them all at once! That would be fun for all of us. Hehehehe… No, bad Kaji. Must… not…be… chauvinist... again. Don't want to …lose manhood. _A small whiny hick voice from some gay movie went off in his head "_Save the children_!" and Kaji wholeheartedly agreed. The bad memories made him wince, as he got out of bed, no longer drowsy. 

"Well, I got a big day ahead of me. Better get the day started fast."

He walked over to the bathroom, and began to shave, not noticing a small, black and white streak rush into his bedroom.

__

I must find a weapon of use around here, or else my master plan will fail, PenPen thought as he rummaged through Kaji's possessions, while his noises were being drowned out by Kaji's electric shaver. PenPen, looking through Kaji's underwear drawer, found a few women's panties and bras neatly folded, with a letter _K_ embroidered on them._ Why the hell does he have these in his drawer? Oh wait… Maybe I don't want to know. _PenPen shudders, and continues in his search. _Ah… here we are!_ PenPen comes across a small, but deadly, advanced .37 handgun with a silencer, the one that Kaji was assigned by NERV for self-protection._ Ah, this will do nicely!_ _Soon, I will take over the world. But what will my ruling name be?_

He prepared to shoot the unsuspecting Kaji in the back, when he realized that his flippers couldn't pick up the gun, let alone pull the trigger._ DAMN! Why does this happen to me! I finally find something useful, and then I can't use it! Damn Murphy's law! I still need to think of a ruling name though. Maybe I can be PenPen I? Nah. Maybe, Bob XVI? What about Joe XIX? I'll have to think about it._ He thought, as he walked out of Kaji's room, forgetting the mess he had just made.

*****

Gendo was walking around the halls looking for some women to seduce. He thought that Ritsuko would suit his tastes well, but he had become infatuated with a woman named Yui. He loved the way her hair looked, cut short and pretty, and any decent middle-aged man like himself would kill for one of her smiles. _Now that I think about it, she looks much like an older, smarter, happier Rei. Why is that? _He decided not to press the thought, but kept on walking. _Although Misato and Ritsuko are nearly the same age, Misato seems too young for me, and that Maya gives me the creeps. The rest of the girls ARE too young for me, and there's no way in hell that I'm sleeping with a god-damn penguin!_ He ran into Hikari, who was carrying a newfound iron-spiked mace. 

"Have you seen your son around, Mr. Ikari? I would like to have a word with him."

"No I haven't, young lady, but you may want to try his room. It's right over there." He points down the hall to a door with a heart/placard hanging on it. Hikari nods, and storms off towards his room, mallet raised.

*****

Kaoru and Rei were still in the mess hall, staring at each other, as they had been the whole night. Kaoru felt extremely sleepy, but Rei seemed almost unaffected by the night. _Doesn't she ever sleep?_ In fact, now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen her move at all, not even a little._ Doesn't she ever breathe?_ Kaoru, now that he was all-alone, decided to get the nerve to walk up to her, and talk with her. Kaoru thought that Rei was so incredibly beautiful, that there was no way in hell that he was going to give her up. She must have noticed him by now, so the odds are that a small chat wouldn't mean anything that important. He got up, and walked the distance to Rei. Her eyes stayed fixed on the spot where he had been, almost as if she had frozen in place.

"Hello, Rei. It's me Kaoru, remember?"

Rei just sat there, unmoving.

Kaoru started blushing, and tried again. "Hello? How are you doing?"

Rei still didn't move a muscle, and was fixed on the chair where Kaoru had been sitting.

"Hello?"

Kaoru was horrified at his embarrassment, and was upset that Rei wouldn't even move for him. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought_ She doesn't even notice me… when I'm the only person in the room! Waaahhhhhh! Whaaaaaaah! _

Rei rolled over in the chair, and shut her eyes.

Then he realized with a start that Rei had simply been sleeping with her eyes open. _AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! I stayed up this long looking into her beautiful, gorgeous, SLEEPING EYES! NNOOOO!_ As he looked over Rei, his will to stay awake now vanishing, he decided that she looked far more beautiful sleeping. Soon, consciousness escaped him, as he fell to the floor, thoroughly exhausted. 

The room was silent, but for a black and white blur that was quiet enough for no one to notice him. PenPen ran by Kaoru's unconscious body, as he searched for a weapon that he could use. _Maybe I could be King Phil XI.... HEY! Maybe I can use these toothpicks..._

*****

Kaji got out of the bathroom, only to find all of his clothes a mess. He eyes glanced over the contents of his room, NERV training kicking in as he tried to look for what they were after. _My gun is undisturbed, though out in the open... all my clothes are out of place and... OH MY GOD! Someone found my underwear drawer!_ His women's underwear was thrown all over, and Kaji's tensions grew._ What if someone saw them! Then they would know my secret! That would severely damage my reputation! No one can no what I do with women's underwear in my spare time! Ummm... I must hide it all! OH MY GOD! What if some one knows...._ And Kaji grew more paranoid than ever as he was cleaning up._ OH MY GOD! IF someone found out then, he might tell everyone! What will they think of me! And..._

Slowly someone opened the door. Misato stepped in and said, "Hi Kaji!"

Kaji's tensions broke loose as he said, rather quickly, "Oh-my-god-this-underwear-isn't-mine! I-don't-dress-in-women's-underwear,-someone-just-planted-it-there! Believe-me-cause-I'm-a-good-guy-,and-if-you-were-the-one-who-found-my-underwear-then-I'll-pay-you-off!

Misato just stared with wide eyes at what Kaji said, as she slowly backed out of the room, utterly confused and disturbed. She tried a false smile. "Um... maybe this is a bad time, so I'll just go now...." And then she shut the door and started running.

Kaji was just staring at the door when he realized that Misato had been wearing one of those Victoria secret see-through chiffons that are meant for... well, you know. Kaji started kicking himself. _You really did it now, didn't ya!_

He continued cleaning up his room, utterly sad at what he had missed out on. _Real slick, Kaji._

*****

Shinji ran out of his room, slightly bloodied by Hikari's mace, as he looked for a place to hide. He tried apologizing to Hikari, but she had an evilly determined look about her (For those of you who have been forced to read _Les Miserables,_ she would be a lot like Javert.) Shinji, trying to avoid the bathrooms, ran into the halls._ DAMN! She should have worked for the Spanish Inquisition!_

All the while, he shouted "Gomen. Gomen. Gomen. Gomen. Gomen." For all who could hear, trying to appease Hikari, but to no avail. He high-tailed it past Kaji, Ritsuko, Maya, and Misato, who were all sharing a Jacuzzi, and decided to hide out at the first door he found. He turned a hallway with Hikari at his heels, and dashed into a room before she could find him. 

Shinji slumped to the ground, thoroughly exhausted. 

"Hi there!"

Shinji looked up at the cheery voice, and realized that he had walked in on Asuka, undressing, in her underwear. Shinji suppressed a nosebleed, but couldn't help blushing, as he resumed his chant of apology... "Go...Gom...Gome..."

"Ya know, we really should stop meeting like this."

Shinji blushed more, and apologized again. His eyes glanced over her beautiful face, her bright blue eyes, her outreaching arms, her perfect figure, her large bre... _No! Bad Shinji! _He mentally whacked himself over the head. _Stop thinking such things._

Asuka walked up to Shinji, with all her feminine charm, making Shinji nervous.

"On second thought..., let's keep meeting like this..." 

Shinji blushed more, he could have been an upside down thermometer.

Asuka noticed his blushing, and decided to tease him about it.

"Don't let the blood get to your face, Shinji-kun, or then you can't use it where it's needed elsewhere..."

Shinji was at a loss, completely confused at what she meant. Asuka, noting his confusion, started touching his pants.

Shinji's eyes bulged, as the blood drained his face and went down... elsewhere.

"That's better, Shinji-kun!"

And before Shinji could say or do anything, Asuka kissed him, hard. Shinji, being a Shinji (since when did it become an adjective?) did what he would have done in any similar situation...

He fainted... again.

*****

Seele was welcoming it's new eleventh honorary member monolith, as they continued to discuss their plans for taking over the world.

Seele no.7 (the voice-only block) was agitated

"We have lost all trace of Keele and no.9. The tracers that we have used to permeate the Angels have been neutralized."

"Well, that is why we have decided to replace Keele with no. 7, and our honorary new member, no. 11, will take 7's place."

"But we don't know anything about no. 11. He shouldn't be trusted as of yet."

"He is suitable to our needs, and will fit in nicely."

"Is he competent? How do we know whether he is trustworthy or not?"

"Let's ask him then..."

All (heads) turn to look at no.11, but the new member refuses to speak yet.

No.5, hoping to get him to talk, said,

"What, are you too afraid to adress this committee, #11?"

That got him mad, and a sound could now be heard from no. 11's voice.

"Wark!" 

The Seele members are stunned.

No. 2, calm, says to the master computer, "Activate translation..."

A computerized voice replies, "I will tear open your skull with a pair of pliers and nail your brain to my mantelpiece with a TOOTHPICK!" 

"That sounds like a god-damn PENGUIN!"

"Wark" (I am a penguin, baka!)

"We can't have a penguin as a member of SEELE!"

"Wark?" (Why not? Do you dare disagree with ME? King Jack XVI? I will have your skull as a soup bowl!")

"Um... well...why don't we let him join?"

No. 5 thinks this absolutely preposterous, "But he's a god-forsaken PENGUIN!"

"But he's adequately disturbed and he's certainly twisted enough."

"Maybe you have a point. This penguin is definitely disturbed."

"Wark! (Darn-tootin!)

All heads turn to look at this potentially red-necked penguin.

"Yep, definitely disturbed."

*****

Touji is lying on the couch of his cabin, while Hikari is trying to get some sleep.

"Hikari-chan?"

"Yes, Touji?"

"Well, ya know, um..., we've been together a long time, right..."

"Yes..."

"And we know we love each other more than anything else in the world, right?"

"Yes..."

"So, I was thinking, um..., well..., since the purpose of this television show is to have sex, and since everyone is having sex an all...."

"Yes, Touji?"

"Um... I was thinking that, um..., maybe we could...., well..., you know..."

Hikari sat up with a start, shocked at the very idea of having sex before getting married.

"That's living in sin! God says that we shouldn't do anything that only married couples should do until we got married.!"  


"But... We're on a SEX TV SHOW! We're supposed to seduce people! Get into the real world! And..."

"And all that doesn't matter because my God is the highest authority!"

"Well GOD CAN JUST GO TO... wait a minute... that just doesn't work, does it?"

"AHHH! You're a heretic! You're going to go to hell! Ahhh! You treasonous fiend!"

"But I'm not even Catholic! I'm a Buddhist!"

"Ahhhh! Even worse, to me! Help me, God! Save me from this dissident! Help! Save me!"

"But Hikari, I love you... that should stand in the way of religion..."

"EEEEEPP! Nothing should ever stand in the way of religion! Help!"

She started throwing nearby stones at him

"AACK! Take that! Infidel! *whack* And that! And that! YOU PAGAN BASTARD!" *whack*

"Hikari! Stop it! Please! I love you!"

"HEATHEN! Take that!" *whack*

"Pleaseee...."

"You godless unbeliever! Take that *whack* and leave my cabin with your ungodly ways!"

"But Hikari..."

"I've had it with you and your unholy attitude! Where's my mace..."

"THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE DEVOUT CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL!"

With that, Touji finally could bear it anymore. He had endured so much torture under Hikari's chain; he had simply had enough. He got all his strength together and burst out of his shell in a dazzling display of balls and courage, in a way that Shinji could never have dreamed of.

"I've had it with you and your little devout routines! Don't you realize that this whole Christian thing is just a big plot made by some old people to get your moneyand control your behavior! It's all fake, and all of it stands without any proof! For one thing, if angels are supposed to be good, then why the hell are they trying to destroy us all! And do you expect me to believe that the universe was created in six days! What's this crap about some guy sailing a big boat with every animal in existence to a holy place? He didn't take any insects with him, and yet there are still insects in existence! The church used to say that the world was flat, and that the earth was the center of the universe. THAT'S JUST A BUNCH OF BULL! And don't expect me to believe that all humanity was spawned from two people. God, if that were true, we would all have been subject to so much inbreeding that we would all have the I.Q. of turnips! And don't expect me to believe that you can really turn bread and wine into the body and blood of Jesus... now that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! And don't get me started with this whole Virgin Mary thing. You say it's a miracle..., I say she's just promiscuous! You can't have a baby without sex, and if this Joseph guy was married to Mary and she was still a virgin... well then either she slept around, the two of them had had really weird types of foreplay, or Joseph has got to be the biggest loser ever for not having sex, but married, and being like 40!"

Hikari was trying to control her anger, as she was searching through her stuff.

"Must... find... spiked... mace..." she muttered through gritted teeth.

"I can't believe that anyone can be so devout in a religion that condones the extermination of all other religions and believes that the people of that religion are all powerful, and everyone else will go to hell! That's so mean for crying out loud, man! What do you have to say to all this, little miss catholic school girl?"

Hikari was at a loss for words, shocked beyond words because of Touji's sudden rebellion, his unbelievable words that were more heathen than anything she had ever encountered before, even the time she had once heard someone say the pope was dull, and shocked also because she couldn't really find anything to answer him with... none of her catholic school teachings would help her, but she wouldn't back down out of stubbornness. 

She tried a last ditch attempt.

"Um... Uhhhh... God works in mysterious ways?"

"AARRRGGG! You're still sticking to that crap! Fine! If you don't want to have sex with me, well I'm on an island where all the women are trying to have sex with me! Ha! I can have Asuka and the others anytime I want because they are being paid to try to have sex with me! Don't think that you have anything over me anymore! Good-bye!"

Touji slammed to door and headed over to the singles cabin, forgetting that out of the five single girls, three were too old for him, and one was a penguin...

Hikari found her mace.

*****

PenPen was running around, equipped with his new weapon that he had received from Seele, in order to take over the island. _Bwahahahaha! Those fools at Seele know nothing about my real plans!_ He caressed his new gun, gently, as if it were toy. It was a brand new silver, semi-automatic .28... toothpick launcher! _Soon, I will release my wrath among this island, and conquer the world!_ He also had a large amount of other equipment that Seele had given him. _ Hmmm... A bomb. That could be useful... Oh look! It's a laser equipped watch! And anti-gravity boots. And a pen-gun. Who needs those?_

Suddenly, he heard footsteps above him.

James Bond, now 78 (does he ever really age in the movies?), drops down from the ceiling and says "I'll take those if you don't need them...."

"Wark!" (Take what? I don't have anything! What are you looking at? OH.. It is you, Bond. Nice to see you again. This time, My evil plan to get you will not fail.)

"My.. well... Is that you, Penguin? Well, well! I haven't seen you in a while, now, have I? I didn't know you got out of prison...

"Wark! (Well, I am a penguin of many talents. Did you think that one of your prisons could hold me?)

"Hold on, let me turn on my hearing aid...."

"Wark!" (You old people... so ineffeicient.)

"Hee hee. Well, it is you, Penguin! We had a hard time tracking you down back in '89! Well, I'll just be on my way..."

"Wark!" (Stop right there, Bond, or I'll shoot you full of... wood?)

"Well, it appears that you have finally cornered me. What evil twisted form of death are you going to plan for me, huh? Are you going to slowly lower me into a pit of red-hot lava? Will you drop me 2,000 feet onto a floor covered with 5-foot spines? What about shoving a small bomb up my ass while I'm chained, and then waiting for it to blow up?"

"Wark!" (I'm gonna shoot you now, and get it over with!)

"What, no evil twisted plan of death that takes so much time to execute that I can escape? Why, can't come up with any good ideas?"

"Wark!" (No such evil twisted plans, and don't even get me started with any ideas.)

"No dastardly convoy to take me to your base, and leaving me with inexperienced lackeys that I can easily overpower?"

"Wark! (Nuh uh)

"Aren't you going to at least lock me up in a jail cell so that I may escape and secretly plant a bomb in your complex, then blow it up while I'm safely outside?"

"Wark! (No such luck, old man.)

"But I didn't even have sex with a single woman yet! It's just the beginning of the movie! You can't kill me now! At least point some great big laser at me so that I may deflect it into a mirror so that it can destroy my locks, and then I can run away, have sex with the good looking scientists and the victim of the bad guy's latest evil plan, as well as the bad guy's concubine, and then I'll come back to kill you."

"Wark! (Not in this lifetime. Besides, you're so old that you have got to be impotent by now. Haven't you used up all your sperm by now? At the rate you have sex, which is like five times per movie, each which a different girl, it must all be gone by now!)

"Nope. Hey, I'm James Bond! What do expect?"

"Wark!" (You lucky, lucky fool. Well, I'm just gonna kill you outright this time.)

"WHAT! Well do something evil and dastardly. C'mon, please? At least tell me your secret plan for world domination right before you kill me."

"Wark!" (Do I look stupid to you? I'm not gonna fall for that again!)

PenPen pulls out his watch laser, and cuts out Bond's (most essential part.)

"Nooooo! Not there! Noooooo! I need that more than anything else! I certainly use it the most in my movies! Help!"

"Wark! (Now I will shoot down with my/your pengun!) "Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" *Bam* *BAM* *BAM!*

Gwen enters and kisses PenPen.

"Woark!" (I do love it when you act evil! It really turns me on. Ohhhh. You have a really big gun there, PenPen! Let me play with it!)

PenPen starts blushing, something which he only does around Gwen.

Bond twitches and starts to reach in his pocket.

PenPen shoots him again, and Bond stops moving.

Gwen pushes PenPen to the ground, and starts to.. well... you know.

And this is how, PenPen kills his first, and probably not last, victim on Temptation Island.

*****

Shinji awoke from his nap, on Asuka's bed for that matter. No one else was in the room, and he again wondered how long he had been lying asleep. He sat up in bed, letting the blankets fall off him, and realized with a shock that he was naked, and that his clothes were lying in a pile by the door. Shinji was again worried at what Asuka might have done to him while he was unconscious, as he hurriedly put his clothes on. He noticed that the condom that Gendo had given him was no longer in his pocket, and he got even more worried, (what a loser, I would be thrilled.) He ran out of the door after he put on his clothes, and decided to look for Asuka again.

*****

Touji and Asuka were both in the dining room, eating some ramen with beer. Asuka had on a very mature gown, and Touji was in street clothes, and begging for sex.

"C'mon, Asuka... Just once?"

"NO!"

"Phulease, Asuka?"

"NO! And that's final, baka hentai! The great Shoyru Asuka Langley seduces only whom she wishes, and not just anyone who asks for some." She smiled at him in an almost angry way. "Besides, why would I want to have sex with someone like you?"

Touji facefaulted with an upset look on his face, as Misato walked in, ignoring him.

"Hi, Asuka!"

"Hello, Misato-san! How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine... Hey you look a little tired today, Asuka"

No one notices Shinji hidden in some bushes nearby

"Well, yeah, I guess I am."

Touji straightens up, brushes his shirt off, and sits down again.

Misato leans towards Asuka, and puts her elbows on the table, letting her gown slip a bit.

"Why is that, Asuka?"

Shinji leans in to get closer.

Touji gets a nosebleed.

"Well, I've been busy... well, um, ya know!"

Touji facefaults again.

"Oh," Misato smiles, "I see!"

Shinji, being Shinji-ish, wonders what they are talking about.

"Ya know, Misato, did you know that one can have sex even while the guy is unconscious?"

Shinji grits his teeth, and pulls back in shock. Misato is a little confused.

Touji mumbles something unintellible.

"I didn't know that, Asuka. How did you know that?"

Asuka has a superior smile on her face.

"I found out this afternoon from first-hand experience!"

Misato gasps.

Touji collapses.

Hikari enters the room with her mace.

And Shinji faints... yet again.

*****

Authors note: All right, here it finally is! Part IV! I know I ruined it all for you guys by telling you guys in the beginning, but I didn't want to get flamed by my fellow Asuka-otakis! (I know I didn't spell THAT right) My thanks to Yebisu Beer and The Dane for beta-reading my fanfic. Also, thanks to all of you who reviewed my other fics, namely Sky mage, Amani, Little Red Beast, Kyo Tetsuei, Grud, Yebisu Beer, and The Dane. Oh, and I have absolutely nothing against any religions at all, ok. That's just Touji's character. And I'm not an over-zealous freak either. That's just Hikari's character. This fanfic in no ways represents my views about Catholicism, or any other religion at all, ok.

I know it's got sugar and spice with a hint of lemon, but that's the only way I can write it. Please read and review! Ja! Arigato ^_^


	5. Temptation Island: Episode 5

Disclaimer: Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion, and I don't. End of story. Or the beginning actually, but hey.

TEMPTATION ISLAND Part 5!

Recap:

Touji facefaulted.

Shinji fainted.

And Hikari found her mace.

PART 5

Hikari lunged out of her cabin, looking for Touji. 

__

How dare he insult my God like that! He must be punished! I will flay his skin from his bones with my cat-o-nine tails! HE... WILL...PAY!

She started looking for Touji, the heathen pervert, in order to properly punish him for what he had said to her earlier that night.

__

How dare he call Mary promiscuous! Surely he will go to hell!

Hikari picked up her pace and started for the dining cabin. She was ready to kill Touji in the name of her faith. Her mentality stated that she was his girlfriend, and so she should like him. But before that, her mentality said that she was a girl, so she wouldn't take his advances towards her. Even before that, it said she was a human, so he wouldn't take insults about herself. 

And first and foremost, her mentality told her that she was a child of GOD! Any insults to her faith would have the stomped down in the name of Jehovah.

Calling her a religious zealot would do her injustice. Such religious fervor would amaze even those who lived during the Crusades, and would even frighten the Puritans of the 17th century …or at least have her burned at the stake as a witch and a heretic even though she's CHRISTIAN!!! She could have been a leader of Jesuits in an earlier life, and even the Pope would have bowed at her feet. 

Needless to say, she liked religion, and in the blindness caused by her fervor, she failed to see everything about her. She looked and looked, but she never truly saw the world for what it was, clouding it all in religion in order to escape the more unsavory parts of real life, just like many people before her have done. But hey, this isn't a social novel about the problems in society, so lets move on!

To put it simply in terms the majority of you all could easily understand... she was pissed off. I mean really pissed off.

Hikari, in her fury, let out a string of curses and tortures that would have made PenPen proud, but no one in the audience really wants to hear them, right?

But as she walked towards the cabin that Touji was in, the ground opened below her, and she fell into the deepest hole she had ever seen. Right before she fell to her doom, however, she noticed a white glow above her. _Is that God? I was right! I was right! There is a God! I was right and all of my family, friends, teachers, councilors, physiatrists, and most importantly of all Touji were wrong! Hahahaha! I will surely go to heaven for worshiping the true God, and they will all go to hell! Hahahahaha!_

But as she fell to her death, she also heard something above her. She could make it out, but she was sure that it was everyone else on the planet realizing how wrong they had been about religions in general, and crying out for their true Savior, Saint Hikari. And then....

well...

*splat*

The following evening, a tape recording of the event precisely 5 seconds before the death of one Horaki Hikari was found somewhere in Temptation Island Headquarters. When played, it sounded something like "Wark!" (Hehehehehe! Gotc'ha!) Mysteriously, Temptation Island Headquarters burned down later that day, and everyone from the outside world lost connection to the island, not that anyone on the inside noticed.

Dirt was shoveled over the 50-foot deep hole, and a black and white blur ran away from the incident, having left a note in the cabin of every else on the island, which read: "The first person to be kicked out of this island is Ms. Horaki Hikari. You will not hear or see her ever again, during your indefinite stay on this island."

And it was thus that PenPen claimed his second victim on Temptation Island.

*****

Touji and Kensuke were laughing their heads of in front of a blushing Shinji the next day.

"So she actually had sex with you?"

"Oh my gosh! The Shinjimeister got lucky!"

"And he was unconscious the WHOOOLLLLEEEE time too!"

This brought about another bout of laughter from the two, and Shinji turned a deeper shade of red.

"You lucky dawg!"

"Actually, I feel sorry for him."

Touji looked up at Kensuke.

"Huh? Why?"

Kensuke stifled a laugh.

"Because he got lucky, and had hot, passionate, maybe even steamy sex with a beautiful girl... AND HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT! GUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Both friends laughed together, with, for, and at an embarrassed Shinji, teasing him about every single possible thing that two teenaged boys can think of to tease their friend who had been the first one of them to have sex, and to have been unconscious during the aforementioned time. Needless to say, it took a while before they were done teasing him.

"Oh, you poor, poor thing. You poor, poor, poor thing."

"Why? I don't see any reason for him to be considered unlucky?"

Touji and Kensuke looked behind them at the voice, and Shinji turned a far deeper shade of red than he was before.

Touji was shocked.

"Uh.. Um... Asuka! We were um... just talking about you!"

"Anyone can see that, baka, but I think Shinji would consider himself lucky to have done the horizontal tango with me. What, are you insulting the sexual prowess of the Great Shoyru Asuka Langley? Are you? HUH! TAKE THAT!"

Touji and Kensuke have sweat drops, and are trying to fend off Asuka's blows.

"Ummm, no, Asuka-san. We were simply expressing Shinji's tragic misfortune at not uh... being conscious during the time when you... you know... and were feeling sorry for him because Shinji wasn't able to experience... well... you know... with the beautiful Shoyru Asuka Langley, because the poor bastard was unconscious at the time. Right Touji?"

Kensuke elbows Touji.

"Um... yeah."

This answer appeared to satisfy Asuka, so she began to walk off. Then she gave them each another kick for good measure.

"Perverts"

*****

Kaji was in desperate need of sex. He hadn't been this long without it in a LONG time, as he was used to women throwing themselves at him in all directions. He knew that he was a babe magnet, and he desperately needed some soon, before he had a mental break down. He felt like a male chauvinist again, refusing to consider the incident on the boat, and again wanted to sleep with Maya, Ritsuko, and Misato at the same time. He knew he shouldn't, he definitely knew he shouldn't, but gah haw haw haw hod he wanted to. Such was the life and thoughts of a sex deprived man. He decided to get up his nerve and ask them..., as soon as he figured out who the hell had been in his underwear drawers.

*****

PenPen was working on his super weapon, whistling while he worked, believe it or not. Who knows what he was whistling... it could have been anything from It's a Small World After All to an Eminem song, probably the latter, it being PenPen and all, but he was whistling nonetheless.

Gwen, his new found accomplice, acquaintance, and lover, was working beside him, and she WAS singing It's a Small World After All. The two of them must have been having a "who can sing the most evil song" contest. The winner was, as always, debatable.

Suddenly a voice could be heard behind him.

"So we meet again, Penguin."

PenPen whirled around, remembering to grab his semi-automatic toothpick launcher.

"Wark!" (Bond! But I thought I had killed you!)

"That's what they all say! You all should know by now that I never die! I am immortal!"

"Wark!" (But I shot you in 17 vulnerable places dead center, along with some other places just for fun! There's no way in hell you could have survived!)

"But I am James Bond! I always survive! No matter how many bullets I take, no matter how many bomb explosions I am in, no matter how many hundreds of people are shooting at me with everything from pistols to AK-47's to heat-detecting rocket launchers, no matter what the odds, I always survive!"

"Wark!"(But I shot you in SEVENTEEN places at once, any one of which should have killed you!)

"Well, where did you shoot?"

"Wark..." (Let's see...) PenPen pulls out a diagram of the human body out of thin air just like he would have in any similar stupid American cartoon.

"Wark wark Wark!" (I shot you in the... {PenPen points with a pointing stick which also seems to have come from nowhere} kidneys, mouth, liver, stomach, neck, left lung, right lung, left aorta, left ventricle, right aorta, right ventricle, and I shot your head from the front, right, left, back, top, and even bottom. I even shot your manhood off for good measure! How the hell are you still alive?)

"Well, you see, unless you shoot me in my sole vulnerable spot, I will always survive no matter what you do to me!"

"Warky Wark?" (You mean even if I slowly lock you in a –100 degree freezer until your blood freezes, which it happens to do at –100 degrees Celsius, only to slowly lower you into a pit of lava after you can bear the cold no longer you will still be alive?)

"Yep"

"Wawark?" (What if I drop you from a 20000 foot cliff onto a bed of nails? Will you die then?)

"Nope."

"Warky?" (What about giving you a thousand paper cuts on your neck, head, hands, legs, and your... tehehehehe.)

Bond winces at the thought.

"Ouch, but still nope."

"Wark?" (What if I open your skull and then stick a thousand toothpicks into your brain?)

"No such luck."

Gwen steps in with an idea.

"Woark Woark!" (What if PenPen-chan handcuffs you to a one-hundred pound dumbbell and drop you into a 20-000 gallon vat of Pantene Pro-V?)

(Note to readers, don't imagine that this is happening to you. It's enough to make one claustrophobic.)

"Gag, but still no. All that would happen is that my hair would look even shinier after I get out."

"Woark?" (What about in gasoline, and after you had drowned we light the thing on fire?)

"Eeewwwww. But still no."

"Woarky?" (What about orange juice?)

"Oh man, my suit will get all sticky."

"WARK!" (Fine let's prove your theory.)

PenPen picks up his semi-automatic toothpick launcher and shoots his entire clip at Bond. Each toothpick penetrates Bond's skin and almost all of them come out the other end, while some toothpicks are lodged within Bond himself.

"Nope... still not dead."

PenPen utters a war cry, reloads, and lets loose a second clip.

"W..Aw...R...K!" (WHY... WON'T... YOU... DIE!)

"Because of my sole vulnerable spot, of course."

"Wark?" (A sole vulnerable spot! And where might that be?)

"It's on the second knuckle of my left hand's pinky."

PenPen and Gwen facefault, and Bond, being British and not Japanese, wonders how they could turn themselves upside down like that without having him see them get down on their knees.

PenPen picks himself off the ground.

"Warky wark." (You must be joking, Bond.)

"Nope! By the way, what was that thing you just pulled there? Was it some kind of fancy handstand?"

PenPen and Gwen facefault again. Bond, with his sophisticated machinery, clocks them at 403 miles per second, aka Mach 2015.

"Wow! You must tell me how to do that! Imagine how many places I could infiltrate at that speed."

"Wark! Warkedy Wark Wark Wark!" (You will never learn the secret of facefaulting, Bond! We Japanese have been hoarding that secret since the beginning of time! Or at least the beginning of Anime! Just like we have been hoarding all the good Anime too, and only allowing a select few, old Animes into Europe and America for the mass public to watch on T.V.! It's our secret plot to take over the world! Let us Japanese grow strong from watching good anime like Evangelion, and Ah! Megamisama!, and Gundam Wing without the gay excuses for translations, and let the rest of the world suffer on Pokemon, Digimon, and (Bum pum pum) Flint the Time Detective!" Bwahahahhahahahahahaha!)

"Oh... My... GOD! That's the most awful plan in the world! How did you ever thing of such a thing! Millions will suffer!"

Gwen grins at PenPen

"Woark!" (He had help...)

"Wark!" (You betcha! Oh, my Gwen-chan...)

"Woark!" (Oh, PenPen!)

Bond facefaults.

"Oh! So that's how you do it!"

"Wark! Waaaa....waaaa....WARK!" (Now that you have learnt the secret of facefaulting! I will not allow you to leave this island alive, Bond! You will have to go and aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. You will have to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. You will... GWEN! STOP TOUCHING ME THERE!)

"Woark!" (Oops! Sorry, PenPen-chan! Business and all... I forgot. I'll wait till later.)

Bond now has a sweat drop as well.

"Weird... I was wondering how they did that too...."

PenPen, realizing that Bond was still there, picked up his machine gun and shot 100 toothpicks into the second knuckle of his left pinky.

"Nnooooooooooooooooooo! Yoooouuuu have killllllleeeedddddd meeeeeeeeee!"

"Wark!" (Well, duh. I didn't give you a sponge massage.)

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Bond struggles to get up, using his hands to get to PenPen's machine gun, but soon, Bond stops moving, and is lifeless.

And thus PenPen kills his third/second victim on Temptation Island.

One minute later, PenPen finds a label reading (Acme: The All-purpose Clone Manufacturers of England)

"Wark!" (Clones! So that was how he was doing it! I was wondering how he managed to survive after all that I had done to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

*****

Kaoru got up and stretched, looking around him. _Uhhhhh. Where am I? This looks like the meeting room...._ Suddennly, he remembered the love of his life Rei, and got up with a start. He noticed her still lying on the couch, staring at him, unmoving. _She's awake!_ Kaoru wondered if he should go to his room and freshen up, or just sit here and stare back._ Ohh... Rei is just so beautiful.... I think I'll just stay here...._

And Kaoru decided to stay put, and stare back again. Once again, he noticed that she never blinked, and regained his nerve from last night and walked over to her. 

This time her eyes followed him.

"Hello. My name is... Kaoru. I am... pleased to meet you."

Kaoru was sweating, and got nervous. _What will she say? What if she doesn't like me? What if...._

Rei stood there, stunned. No one had ever been pleased to meet her before. She had never had to deal with any thing like this in her training... what was she to do? She was very uncomfortable, but she didn't show it, as was her nature._ Maybe if I just wait here, the problem will go away._

And so she sat and stared, unmoving. One would have thought she was dead, except for the fact that she was still breathing, but only barely.

__

Huh? What's she doing? She isn't ignoring me, is she? He tried to get her attention, so he waved his hand over her eyes. "Hello? HelloooooO? Hello?"

He waved his hand on front of her eyes again and again, until one time, by accident, he grazed her cheek. _Ooohhhh her skin is soooo smooth! I'm in heaven!_

Rei's eyes narrowed, and her hand struck his face faster than anyone could have guessed, as her physical training and psychological conditioning at NERV had forced her to.. _He actually TOUCHED ME! No one has ever touched me before, not even the commander. But it felt... different. Confusing, even. _Rei decided that she wanted to experience this again. So she made a request for the first time in her life. It was a time for firsts, after all.

Kaoru was huddled in a corner, weeping openly with a river of tears coming out of his eyes in the humorous, anime way... not the serious anime way._ She sla hah hah hah happed meeeeeeee..... I just touched her and she slah hah hah happed meeee...... Waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....._

"Nagisa-Kun?"

Kaoru looked up, and turned around. Despite the extent to which his feelings had been hurt, he managed to mumbled a coherent and unspiteful "yes?"

"What you just did to me, could you please perform that act once again?"

Kaoru was stunned. Too stupefied to ask questions, he walked up the her, and grazed his finger against her cheek again. Rei smacked him again as per her conditioning.

"HEY!"

"And again, Nagisa-kun."

Kaoru was stupefied. Here's this girl who is asking you to touch her cheek, and then slapping him each time. He decided to just go with the flow, and touched her cheek. Everytime he touched her, he felt like he could simply melt into her arms, but she didn't want to know what she would do to him if he did, considered she smacked him just for grazing her cheek.

"And agian, Nagisa-kun."

*smack*

"And again, Nagisa-kun."

*smack*

"And again..."

*smack*

Kaoru was changing from being as happy as he could ever be to being miserable when she slapped him.

Rei was still confused. _Why does my whole body tingle when he simply touches my cheek. This must be thought through... I must understand what is causing this... sensation._

Kaoru was starting to get agitated and a little annoyed at Rei. Why the hell does she keep smacking me? He unconsciously let out this frustration by touching Rei a little longer and a little harder. The next time, he touched her cheek even longer and pressed his hand more against her skin. Soon, Kaoru was almost smacking her as hard as she was him. The feel of his hand against her cheek, and of hers against his, was almost too much for him, and even though it hurt, he still felt giddy.

Rei was confused even further... the sensations she was experiencing were unlike anything she had ever felt, and so she was uncertain what to do._ This feels strange, feeling him touch me and touching him at the same time. _She was at a complete loss as to what to do. By think time, anyone watching would think that they were having a fight.

Kaoru was in heaven, and Rei was bewildered. Nothing she did, no logical answer she could think could explain this feeling.

__

I think it feels... good?

{Aawwwwww, that was nice and waffy, wasn't it? It's just sooooo sweeet! Almost a romance fic.... but not quite.}

*****

Touji looked up from his lunch.

"Awww... the food here isn't much better than the food at school, is it? I miss Hikari already... she was always so nice to me... and she used to make the best lunches too..."

Kensuke turned towards his friend.

"NO! You should get over her... she did get kicked off the island after all. Besides, remember how she used to boss you around all the time? You don't want that again, do you?"

Touji was downcast, and looked down at his feet.

"No, I suppose not."

Secretly, behind the three stooges, Asuka walked up to Shinji. She had a serious expression on her face.

"Shinji, I need to talk to you..."

Shinji blushed. "Yes, Asuka?"

Asuka, blushed herself. "I need to talk to you... in private."

Shinji, afraid of being seduced again, cut her short. (note: I wouldn't be afraid... would you be afraid? I certainly wouldn't be afraid.) "NO! You can just tell me what it is now!"

Shinji's sudden uprising of backbone, which surprisingly enough had resulted from a severe lack of backbone, stunned Asuka

"In front of everyone?"

Shinji, thinking that she simply wanted to have sex with him again, said, "Yes! In front of everyone!"

Asuka herself was nervous...

"Shinji?... I'm pregnant."

*****

Shinji dropped his cup to the floor. It shattered on impact.

Everyone else in the room turned towards them. Touji stepped up to Shinji.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER!"

Touji slapped Shinji's right cheek.

__

(Before I could)

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO HER!"

Kensuke slapped Shinji's left cheek.

__

(Without letting me videotape)

Gendo walked up to Shinji, tall and menacing. His figure and manner was deemed threatening, and Shinji cowered in fear of what his father would do to him. He was on white gloved blur fly down towards his head. Gendo stopped one inch short of whacking his head, and hovered his hand above Shinji's face. Then, Gendo patted Shinji's head, and rumpled his hair up a little.

Touji slapped Shinji again.

Kensuke slapped Shinji again too.

PenPen slapped Shinji's left knee.

"WARK!" (You're only fourteen, dammit!)

Gwen slapped Shinji's right knee.

"WOARK!" (You're too young for that!)

Gendo smiled.

"That's my boy!"

Yui and Futsyuski slapped Gendo.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HIM!"

Asuka was laughing...

"I was just kidding! Hahahahaha!"

Everyone slapped Asuka for scaring them like that.

Elsewhere on the island, Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko all slapped Kaji for wanting to sleep with all three of them at once.

"HENTAI!"

Rei and Kaoru slapped each other.

Asuka slapped Shinji just because she had slightly sadist tendencies.

Shinji slapped himself because he had more than slighty masochistic tendencies.

And somewhere in the middle of the country of New America, George W. Bush slapped himself in his grave, his soul realizing that elsewhere on the planet someone was acting stupider than he had ever been before, and had therefore broken his record.

*****

Author's note: Sorry about killing off Hikari! I have nothing against her. She's actually the most normal person in the entire cast of EVA if you think about it, considering that everyone else is pretty darn weird. Seriously... try to come up with someone more normal than Hikari in the cast of EVA. I mean the real EVA, not any fanfics. If anyone comes up with anyone more normal than HIkari, please put it in a review! ^_^ R&R and all that...


End file.
